Life itself has been nothing but change for me. Trying to continue life without my dad has been a struggle all in its own. I still find myself crying on the daily. Just wishing i could call him up and get some advice or just a hug from that sweet man. I knew life would be hard, i just didn't realize how hard. Starting off this new year with my parent's house being up for sale has brought everything to more of a reality. My home, my childhood, my fondest memories are in that home i absolutely adored. I feel like selling the house I'm losing even more of my dad. The thought of it not being there anymore literally makes me sick to my stomach. I realize that life has to go on and my dad wouldn't want our lives to just stop but it all feels unreal. I don't ever feel like i can express myself the way i would like to or get out exactly what my heart feels. But it's hurting, there has been nonstop pain, not physical pain but emotional, the worst kind. The worst heartbreak that i could have ever imagined like a nightmare you can't get away from. Now i'm not saying any of this to get a pity party or for anyone to feel bad for me.. so if you are feeling that way you might just want to skip on over this blog of mine. This is a place for me to be real. Try and get my feelings out and deal with the card i was dealt with.
I'm grateful for my Jamesy and the hell i put him through some days. My emotions are so up and down that i can barely keep track, i cant imagine what it is like for him. So babe I love you so much and I'm happy i have you by my side. I wouldn't want to face all these trials with anyone else.
I found this saying on Pinterest the other day and have loved it every since. I find myself getting very angry and bitter towards a lot of people because of all the pain i have experienced. I'm trying to stay sweet and positive through all of this. It's definitely hard but so important.
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